So fucking angry.

Im so fucking pissed off right now. I dont have any fucking video games to play. My xbox is totally fucked and i cant play my Ps2 for more than 30 minutes without it overheating. Im prolly not gonna get a 360 for my birthday. I'll get like 2 kinda crappy presents. I'ts not like im really "complaining" about it, im just dissapointed that i wont get anything really cool for my 18th birthday. Its gonna be a shitty birthday (like all of my birthdays). I'll end up spending the whole day sitting around my room doing nothing, like every day of my fucking life. Maybe i should just work all day so i wont have to deal with being depressed. I wish i could just work every waking moment of my life so i didnt have to deal with anything. Im really fucking depressed and there isnt anything i can do to fix it. I never thought that i would be stuck in the same damn hole by the time i was 18. I thought things would be better, but they aren't.

I was thinking about what my dad said the other day "you're never going to college and you are a complete failure" and its totally true. I am a failure, i'm never going to amount to anything. I'll spend the rest of my life working shitty jobs and barley scraping by. It makes me want to join the army so i can just die without any remorse. Im not smart, i dont have any redeeming qualities and I look like someone smashed a brick on my face. Im a worthless shell of a human. All of my friends try to tell me im worth something but i know they just say that to be nice. If there is one thing im not completley oblivious of its who i am as a person. So dont ever think you can convince me im worth a shit. Im going to be permanently depressed for the rest of my life and there is nothing that could change that. Well, there is but it would never happen.