So fucking angry.

Im so fucking pissed off right now. I dont have any fucking video games to play. My xbox is totally fucked and i cant play my Ps2 for more than 30 minutes without it overheating. Im prolly not gonna get a 360 for my birthday. I'll get like 2 kinda crappy presents. I'ts not like im really "complaining" about it, im just dissapointed that i wont get anything really cool for my 18th birthday. Its gonna be a shitty birthday (like all of my birthdays). I'll end up spending the whole day sitting around my room doing nothing, like every day of my fucking life. Maybe i should just work all day so i wont have to deal with being depressed. I wish i could just work every waking moment of my life so i didnt have to deal with anything. Im really fucking depressed and there isnt anything i can do to fix it. I never thought that i would be stuck in the same damn hole by the time i was 18. I thought things would be better, but they aren't.

I was thinking about what my dad said the other day "you're never going to college and you are a complete failure" and its totally true. I am a failure, i'm never going to amount to anything. I'll spend the rest of my life working shitty jobs and barley scraping by. It makes me want to join the army so i can just die without any remorse. Im not smart, i dont have any redeeming qualities and I look like someone smashed a brick on my face. Im a worthless shell of a human. All of my friends try to tell me im worth something but i know they just say that to be nice. If there is one thing im not completley oblivious of its who i am as a person. So dont ever think you can convince me im worth a shit. Im going to be permanently depressed for the rest of my life and there is nothing that could change that. Well, there is but it would never happen.

If only it were this easy.

Haha, i envy that kid. Especially after the shit day i just had. First off, i was supossed to finish my GED today but i got called into work. My dad is fucking furious with me cause he thinks im just lying to him. This morning before i left he told me "you're never going to get your GED and you're never going to college, you are a complete failure". Really good thing to hear from your own father. Then when i get to work i find that i only made $150 on my paycheck, great... Im $50 short, again. My dad is gonna fucking kill me when he finds out, he'll most likley kick me out of the house. I cant afford my own place right now, so im pretty much fucked all around. Just my luck, huh? It looks like my life will eternally be in the shitter.

Its been more than a year since the last time i had sex, I lost the most important girl in my whole life to my best friend (something that i have come to terms with), I work all the fucking time but i really dont see anything from it and to top it all off there is a person i am completley infatuated with and there isnt shit i can do about it. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

No real topic to speak of.

Haha, funny picture huh? I have no real thing to post about so i guess i'll just tell you what i did today. Woke up at 6 am and realized i was out of soap when i got in the shower, good way to start a day. Then i went to work at 7, first day in at least a month when i didnt have to work on prep at all. Wich was very good cause prep is boring. So i was on helm station all day, to those who don't know what that is. The helmer is the person on the line who organizes and plates all of the food, so you're pretty much running the whole line. It was tight, i had some problems with the new recipie for the Southwest BBQ salad though. But besides that it was a pretty good day at the Egg & I. So i got off at 3 pm and went home, took another shower for some reason then went to work at Silver Mine at 5. Pretty average night there, i got like $11 in tips, Cigarette money! Yay! It took me like an hour to get home though, plus its windy as fuck so that didn't help much.

Only 18 days till my birthday, FUCK YEAH! Everything is coming together (sinister laugh). I've pretty much invited everyone i'd like to come get fucked up at my house and i hope they all come. I might get a keg of ska or something, we'll see. And if everything goes the way i'd like it to this girl i talk to online from greeley will come. But lets not talk about that, i'm allready lame enough as it is. Starting to feel better about everything for the moment, I actually had a good talk with Nicole the other night wich was very ccol. I was able to tell her how i felt about her and Nathan being together (wich were all good things) and she told me that it made her very relived cause appearntly she's been waiting for me to put in my two cents to the whole situation. Allright, done with typing for now, need to go smoke. Peace out Fuckers.

Lots of work for skippy.

So i have two jobs now, I work at The Egg & I and Silver Mine Subs. I wish it didnt have to end up like this, but it did. I got tired of not having my rent on time and i figured since i have so much fucking free time i should just fill that with work. So now im working 6 days a week and it feels good i guess. I wont really have time for fun but i dont really have "fun" that much anymore so i dont really give a shit. I do feel this will impede my quest to find an awesome girl but there wasn't much of a chance that would happen anyways.

My birthday is in 22 days, THANK GOD! I'll finally be 18. Its kinda weird being younger than pretty much all of my friends. I always felt like i was "that weird little kid" in the circle. Even though I have the responsibilities of a person much older than i am. I still felt like i didnt fit in because of my age. But i guess i've finally caught up. I'm not quite sure whats going to happen on the 25th (my birthday) but i hope its cool. My last birthday was kinda lame but thats mainly because of the fact that the "circle" was broken at that point and all the homies were either gone or not friends with me at the time. But now everyone is hanging out again and we're all on pretty good terms. So hopefully it will be a good day. I feel like something good is coming my way and what better day for it to happen than my 18th birthday. We'll see i guess.